Thursday, April 7, 2011

Stock market report

Today's Stock Market Report:


Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

6 comments:

  1. A daring concentration of puns made them all much funnier :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. You win the award for best creative writing on a blog. If it's not original content then you get a certificate for best copypasta.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well well well, thanks for keeping us up to date! ;)

    ReplyDelete