And then the fight(s) started

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ìI want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.î I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...



*

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken guy swigging his drink as he sat alone
at a nearby table.

I asked, "Do you know him?"

"Yes," she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says I, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

*

My wife was standing in front of the mirror one day and said, "I look old, fat and ugly; I feel horrible. I need you to pay me a compliment."

So I said, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started...

*

My wife suggested for my birthday I have a threesome.

I replied "Do I get to pick both girls?"

And then the fight started...

*

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...